Why I never read Cinderella to my children? The truth behind fairy tales

“I want to be a princess mom”.

“But why darling? “I asked

“Because the princess has lovely dresses and is so pretty” she said

Is that why you like her? I asked.

“Yes, and One more thing, she marries the most handsome prince and they live happily after. Now, can I dress up as a princess for my birthday?”

Fairy tales have some wonderful lessons for children and I have nothing against fairy tales, but conversations like these worry me. We think Cinderella is about courage and Snow white about kindness. But ask a child the best thing about these fairy tales, and it would be something very different from courage and kindness?

1. Damsel in Distress: You may be brave, kind and hardworking, but you always need a prince charming to save you. You are never capable of dealing with setbacks on your own and always need help. We want to raise strong and independent kids who can stand up for themselves and deal with the obstacles that life throws at them.

2. The ultimate reward is marriage and you live happily ever after. Really? You can be the most talented and hardworking person but the ultimate happiness comes from being married? One may get married but is that the only goal that we want them to pursue. Are we not setting them up for an unreal picture of the world they will face one they grow up? The one that is not happily ever after.

3. Step mothers and step sisters are evil: As a child, I was more scared of step mothers than of ghosts. Do all step mothers treat their step children as slaves? Does this not reinforce the stereotype that only biological children can have the love of parent, if you are not one then you are doomed?

4. The prince has to be the most dashing young man: snow-white lived with the kind and caring dwarfs but she did not consider dwarfs worthy of her love or getting married to. Snow-white chose to marry the handsome prince. It radically stereotypes that average looking men are not worthy of getting married to. We want our children to choose their better halves based on compatibility and other important traits.

5. The beauty standards that the princesses set: Cinderella, Snow-white, Aerial, Rapunzel and many others have set unrealistic standards of beauty. Thanks to Disney for glamourizing the princesses so much that now when I Imagine a princess, I can see a white, thin and beautiful girl wearing the most beautiful gown. I am sure children would imagine the same. Children already are under tremendous pressure through unreal social media filters to meet unrealistic beauty standards. I sincerely hope and try that my children have a sense of self-worth beyond the way they look.

Fairy tales are classics and have been read for years but they are also laced with stereotypes and archaic belief’s which have no place in the modern world. Cinderella, and many other fairy tales are part of the popular culture and impacts and shapes children belief’s in many ways.

The problem is not that children read fairy tales, but Cinderella, sleeping beauty and others are the best-known stories to children. Any child would be able to recite Cinderella but ask a kid who is Malala and they would not know about it. Children should be exposed to inspiring real-life heroes they can look up to.

It becomes worst when we watch fairy tales rather than read them. To make it relevant in the current times, the fairy tales can be read to children but with some precautions:

1. Debate on some stereotypes and make it as a discussion point with children. Is it the right thing to do? Do you feel like this?

2. It’s always better to read the fairy talks than watch the Disney movies built around them.

When it comes to dreaming big, kids are experts. We want to expose them to stories about brave young men and women who dreamt big and achieved the dreams

There are lot of other inspiring books that can be read to children which teach important values. Sharing some of them here:

1. Who is Malala?

2. Who is Neil Armstrong?

3. Good night stories for Rebel girls

4. Good night stories for Rebel boys

5. Fat Angie by E. Charlton-Trujillo

6. Wonder- by R.J. Palacio

Read more about book recommendations for kids: 12 classic books for children under 12!