The 2 magical tools of Super-Parents !

We as parents, make many mistakes. Sometimes out of sheer ignorance, and sometimes because of adopting someone else’s parenting style. I too fell into this trap.

As a first time parent, I had no set ideologies about how to be an effective parent. In order to evolve my parenting style I observed other parents . There were two categories of parents. The first ones were those who had perfected the art of getting things done from their children ( The super parent) . Second ones were those who failed miserably in their pursuit of being an effective parent.

I admit that I envied the the first kind, the ‘Super-parents’ . It felt as if the super-parents possessed some magical powers. I often wondered what could be their secret. Was it that some children possessed better genes which made them naturally well-behaved than others? Or is there really a secret magic that the super-parents posses?

After reading a number of books on parenting and experimenting with different parenting styles, I realized that there do exist magical techniques. These techniques are simple (not easy) and are extremely effective. Interestingly the techniques works like magic not only on my daughter but also on adults around me 🙂

The first magical tool is – Empathy

Children are born looking for love. Love also means empathy. Loving your child does not mean that you fulfill every demand that your child makes. Love here means acknowledging the feelings of our children, and yet guiding them to the right action. While we acknowledge our children’s little problems, we communicate that, we are confident in their own abilities to solve most of the problems.

How to practice, Empathy

Situation: You are at a supermarket and your 3-year-old starts whining and shouting for that one more candy. Empathy here does not mean that we buy that candy . An empathetic parent would say, “I know you want the candy very much and not buying it will make you so sad. We have just finished our daily dose of sweets and so we can’t buy this one.”

The results are amazing. Kids respond positively a lot more to this style than to being upset with them or uprightly saying “No you won’t have it.”

Just being with the child , understanding and accepting the fact that she feels sad when she is not in control, makes the child much better in dealing with her emotions. At the same time, it also enforces the important rules in parent child relationship.

The second magical tool is – Giving control

Pass on the control to your child . Confused? I have been talking about how to get control back from your child and here I say pass on the control. Yes the best way to get the power is to first give away some of the power. Try delegating some of the control to your kids and let them make small decisions. This will benefit you in two ways. First, the child would feel responsible and confident by taking decisions independently. Second, she will be more open to agree with what you say.

The idea is to choose your battles carefully. Trying to take charge of every little aspect of your child’s life will not only lower his self-esteem but will also reduce his capacity to make decisions.

How to practice, Giving Control

An easy way to share control, is by giving many choices to the child, during the day. Let a 5-year-old decide which night-suit she wants to wear, which color bed-sheet should be used in her room. Try giving the child many options, to choose from through out the day. For example when you are out in a playground, You can ask her if she wants to swing first or slide first in the playground. The small acts of decision making, helps the child feel in control. Make sure whenever you give the choices , you are comfortable with the child choosing either of them.

While you guide and support your child, to become a responsible person do remember that all children are unique and may sometimes need a little different parenting style.